All children experience big emotions — anger, frustration, anxiety, excitement. The challenge for parents is helping kids manage those feelings before they turn into disruptive or hurtful behavior.
Caitlyn Strauss, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker in the
Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Health, explains that problems arise when emotions feel so intense that a child's reaction becomes disproportionate to the situation.
For example, a child upset by something a classmate says may feel deeply hurt or angry — yelling, lashing out, or shutting down.
Well-meaning responses like “You’re overreacting,” “Calm down,” or “You’ll be fine” can unintentionally invalidate a child’s emotions and make things worse — especially for sensitive children. The goal isn’t to eliminate big feelings, but to teach kids how to regulate them. It's a skill that takes time and practice.
Why Emotions Matter
Emotions serve important purposes, they:
1. Motivate action. Anger can push a child to stand up for themselves.
2. Provide information. Anxiety before a test, for example, may signal it feels important.
3. Communicate needs. Emotions show when a boundary feels crossed or when support is needed.
Even uncomfortable emotions can be helpful. The key is helping children respond constructively.
How Parents Can Help
1. Listen First — Validate Before You Solve
Start by describing what happened:
- “I saw that you were really upset.”
- “It makes sense that you felt angry.”
Validation doesn’t mean you approve of negative behavior — it acknowledges the feeling. Once your child feels heard, move into problem-solving :
- “What could you do next time instead of yelling?”
- “Could you ask the teacher for help?”
Validation + problem-solving = skill building.
2. Model Emotional Regulation
Children learn from what we do. If you feel frustrated, instead of yelling, try: “I’m feeling frustrated. I’m going to step away for a few minutes to calm down, and then we’ll talk.”
When children see adults pause, breathe, and regulate themselves, they are more likely to try those strategies too. Apologizing is powerful, too: “I didn’t handle that well earlier. I’m sorry. I want to understand how you felt.” This shows that emotional regulation is a process — even for adults.
When to Seek Extra Support
Emotional ups and downs are part of development. But some signs may indicate a child needs additional help:
- Frequent emotional outbursts
- Ongoing conflicts with teachers, coaches, or peers
- Difficulty making or keeping friends
- Persistent irritability at home and school
- Refusal to talk about problems
- A noticeable drop in grades
- Emotional struggles interfering with multiple areas of life
Younger children may show anxiety through stomachaches or hyperactivity. Older children may appear irritable, withdrawn, or sarcastic.
If concerns are persistent, consider speaking with your pediatrician, school counselor, or a mental health professional. Remember, the CARE team is here to help you.
